.: words: *** 10/31/2008 01:12:00 AM

everything changes forever. very soon.

looking forward to a bright, sunny future.

xo

music: the beatles "in my life"

.: words: *** 10/09/2008 05:55:00 PM

.: words: *** 6/23/2008 07:27:00 PM

govinda, jaya jaya, gopala, jaya jaya.

india changed everything.

that is me above attending the pushpa abhishek- an annual celebration and ritual bathing of the deities of the temple in literally >tons< of flowers flown in from all over india.

i finally got off my ass and pulled my own footage -- check me spitting flowers out of my mouth.

the whole journey was nothing but yoga every morning with the sunrising, fasting, travelling all over southern india (covering the state of kerala, which was so gorgeous and warm), driving harrowing roads, swimming in the arabian sea on my birthday (during a lunar eclipse too!) and eventually winding up in the north 4 hours south of delhi in the holy city of vrindavan (home of 5000 krsna temples!) where i have always wanted to go since i was 16. the veil of reality was thin there and the vibe heavy - it was a totally different world and was the perfect way to end the trip. maybe someday i'll put my photos online, but maybe not. honestly, i don't think i could ever describe my entire trip to anyone and do it justice. it was totally an experience exclusively for me and i accomplished what i set out to do.

i honestly haven't had much interest in writing lately, just living. 6 months offline is enough, i think. maybe i won't be away again so long, but ya never know.

life is incredible right now and i couldn't wish for more. blessed, indeed.

happy summer and enjoy yourself ... life's too short to not go for it.

radhe, radhe, radhe sham. much love.

music: the specials "enjoy yourself (it's later than you think)"

.: words: *** 6/12/2008 10:14:00 PM

that sunset has long set. it was taken at the end of december just before the new year on a remote beach on the pacific coast of costa rica. it was a nice way to end 2007 and begin 2008, surfing and exploring and soaking up sun and relaxing a bit. amazing country with amazing people. too many dirt roads but i think it just got me prepared for india, to be honest. i already can't wait to go back and see some more of the place- central america is definitely interesting and beautiful. so, it has been ages since i have written much here. i have been living largely in reality and focused on getting fit for my journey. i've been running every morning about 4 to 5 miles depending on how motivated i have been, which has been pretty crazy lately actually. i gotta be careful as i'm trying not to fuck up my feet too badly before i have to go. so i am thinking tomorrow, friday, and saturday i go full-on and then i'll be done til i get back. plus i'm bound to lose some weight from yoga everyday in 95 degree heat. i leave in exactly one week from today for india. i am prepared as far as shots are concerned, plus i got my visa, now i just need to go to paragon sporting goods on friday after a haircut to get all of the loose ends. i've let go of all my expectations as i've learned that no matter what i expect it's never exactly what i think it's gonna be. just gonna go and be. i can't help think that i will feel a bit lonely during this time as i'm only travelling with one person i actually know as the rest are random yoga students from LA. whatever, good time to think and be fully alone with my mind. i have a lot to think about lately, it seems. either way, i always have a good time and i'll make the best of this experience no matter what. so far, 2008 has started off pretty well for me. working with a new artist i just signed that i am really excited about. more to come on that. this spring i'll be uber busy making more records (im excited about being creative again) and more travel both work and personal. life is changing and i guess it's all moving towards a better place as far as i can tell. i'm trying not to grasp too much and just let it exist and breathe and allow myself to just move through it all. so far, so good. already, i am looking forward to summer even though it's only end of january and chilly enough. however, the sun pouring into the window right now is inspiring me for more beaches and waves and roadtrips. i've been writing a lot as usual, just not sharing much lately. it's been busy but i also just haven't had much to say. yesterday on my drive to the lower east side i decided that my favorite intersection in manhattan (as i drive by it every day for one reason or another) is the corner of 50th street at 5th avenue. you basically have rockefeller center and all it's tall, obnoxious, vertigo-causing buildings. but most importantly is st. patrick's cathedral on the left northeast corner and saks fifth avenue with it's materialism in perfect balance just southeast of that. it's like some weirdo vortex but i like driving by it with all it's tourists with necks stretched to the sky. soooo -- i will be off the grid for a couple weeks as of next wednesday and though i will try to write more before i leave i doubt it will happen. running out of time and most of my thoughts have been existing elsewhere. i'm sure i'll have plenty to discuss upon returning. life is good. it all seems to be clicking right now, for once. so i feel blessed. happy new year and such and i hope it's fully of blessings and goodness for all of us. much love.

music: bhagavan das "govinda jai jai"

.: words: *** 1/23/2008 03:53:00 PM

.: words: *** 12/25/2007 09:22:00 AM

left, and leaving. again.

hola. it's been over a week since i've engaged my computer in this manner. i got back from lost angeles on friday and just did my new york thing all week long. it was nice to be home and really just stick around and not do or try to do too much. i did manage to get my visa started for india, research how many airmiles i need to transfer from my american express account to get an upper class ticket on virgin atlantic (i am going via london now, and yes, i wanna sleep the whole damn time). so it's been somewhat productive. i am currently sitting in the worst airport on the east coast, laguardia. it's ancient and doesn't work well and has too much airtraffic to support the new york metro area. they need to build one super ass airport somewhere and just be done with it. my plane is, of course, delayed due to airtraffic and hasn't even left north carolina to make it to nyc and pick us up to swing back down south. this is also the time where if i had more time or rather, more patience, i could clean up by sitting here and giving up my seat to oversold flights and just get tons of free tickets. i have done that a few times in the past and it's been totally worth it. but today, i just want to get to my family and pass out on my sister's couch. tis the season to be lazy. for sure. my leg is killing me as last saturday night i was leaving a cocktail party in dumbo with a small crew in tow. i was getting into my car and slipped on black ice slamming my knee into the bumper of the van in front of me. needless to say i thought i was going to die and it took a few painkillers and a couple sips of whiskey and a lot of ice to sort me out. i still feel really crippled so intend to stay off it (read: sit on my ass) as much as possible over the next few days. originally, i was supposed to be leaving for london and prague today from an entirely different airport. now here i am alone at laguardia of all places and going somewhere entirely different. in every manner of that statement. it's interesting how life and all our best laid plans can change so quickly. fleeting, indeed. anyways, i am happy and it's christmas time -- so that is very rare. this is usually a time of great instrospection, slight wintery depression, and the desire to run away. luckily, i have a lot of high adventure in my immediate future so my bug to "get the fuck outta here" is going to be satisfied beyond description. i hope whatever you do for this holiday season it's with someone or some people you love dearly. yeahhh.

music: bad brains "leaving babylon"

.: words: *** 12/21/2007 03:42:00 PM

tuesday. it's sunny and slightly warm and makes it easier to get up in the morning, but LA offers nothing to me that i don't have in NYC (other than the weather) and already want to return to. i'm anxious this week, as i can almost taste the freedom of the year being over and the blessings of a new beginning. i'm almost there, so all i can do in the meantime is keep going and stay calm and focused and try to work with my neurotic tendency to over analyze everything and everyone around me. i can only work in the moment and with the now, as the future is elusive. so i'm doing my absolute best to just be here now.

Rama Bolo, Rama Bolo, Bolo, Bolo, Ram

"Oh my friends, sing the Name of God! When it gets too damn hard, just sing.
Have no fear, don't give up. Sing!  When it gets too good, sing. When it falls
apart, sing. When it comes together, sing. Cry and sing. Sing and cry.  Living
sing.  Dying sing.  Listening sing.  Singing sing."

-Krishna Das

Music: Krishna Das "Bolo Ram"

.: words: *** 12/11/2007 01:17:00 PM

lift up the receiver, i'll make you a believer.

brrr... diciembre. it's finally cold. wintery cold. i'm enjoying it. imagining myself slightly stoic, with beard, holding a giant hot tea con soy leche, standing in red hook, facing the statue of liberty with the water dancing around her ankles, looking wild and wonderful. i might as well go to fairway as well while i'm there and buy organic bananas. yeah. sometimes, i realize i do some pretty stupid stuff. like waiting until early december to remove the air conditioning unit from the windowsill. the draft this oversight produces does feel really nice, as i think this apartment requires a cool stream. the radiators are crazy and loud and uncontrolled in this building (like me) -- it's been warm, to say the least. went to DC this weekend. officially for work though i did manage to have a nice time as well. i've always imagined what it would be like to live in that city. maybe like inside a giant diorama or snowglobe with all it's mini-monuments, but with crooked politics and murder and other urban blights thrown in for good measure. it's pretty though. i wanted to go find dischord house for old times sake but i couldn't remember the way - the streets are totally confusing anyways. it was designed by a frenchman and definitely retains it's european flair and appeal, though there is something distinctly american about it. of course. walking from the lincoln memorial to the washington monument it almost feels like paris alongside the reflection pools. also, the lattes in the state park cafe aint all that bad. shrugs. today was kind of surreal. i managed to have some major communication breakdowns as well as some major communication breakthroughs. i have no idea what weird balance that is, but we shall see how it all plays out. that's all i can do as i can't fix everyone and everything as much as i wish i could heal the world. on healing- i'm gonna start with myself first, as i'm useless without a sound body to work with. i got my annual physical this morning which was 6 months overdue. i was referred to a new doctor, this one is quite good from what i can tell so far- i liked him which is a start. i absolutely hate having blood taken. i get so much anxiety at the thought. i understand, it's essential for life. a precious gift i wish i could share with other people (donating my own, etc) but i can barely make it through a few vials of my own stuff being drawn from me. i can get tattooed but can't help but almost blackout when i get bloodwork done. i have issues with this, clearly, as i was left sweating on a table with the light out and sipping a triple x vitamin water to get my sugar back to normal and stabilize a bit. god, i'm a pussy. anyways, we'll see if i'm gonna live or not later this week. going to austin on friday which will be nice, especially as it's colddd here. spend a couple of days in texas and then on to ciudad de los angeles. i swear, december should go like lickety split. i've found a few new amazing quiet spots in this city that are good to sit in and scribble in a book for half an hour. yeah i'm that guy sometimes. to be left alone with pen and paper, oh rapture. xxx

music: depeche mode "personal jesus" vs. fugazi "waiting room"

.: words: *** 12/03/2007 10:45:00 PM

hola. i had a wonderful time away. a little adventure upstate. a much needed time to rest. to think. read. even write a little. to rejuvenate. catch up with the family (laugh a lot). sleep a bit. overeat. drink too much wine. whatever. i need more of that and it's now officially just a race to finish this year and perhaps gather myself a little bit more over the extended christmas holiday. who knows, i just do what i can right now. syracuse was cold as ever and my car even got hit with some snow on friday morning. i swear, i think that area is part of the arctic circle. i did also manage to sneak in yet another tattoo (second one this year, a total rarity for me, but a very necessary one). it says "n'aie pas peur" and was inked by my dear friend dj rose of halo tattoos. his shop is beautiful and reminds me a lot of my home. the place is covered in old christian and freemason iconography and beautiful statues of saints and even this guy and has lots of nooks and wonderful items to look at. he's got good taste for sure. in addition to that, he has been a pal of mine since the hardcore days (for at least 18 years now) so it was appropriate that i asked a friend to give me this ink. it's healing nicely and i must say there's nothing like getting a good tattoo from someone you love. the subject matter is a theme in my life and i'm working on it and it's good to remind me of these little things... even with ink. oh- and while on the topic of hardcore, joel t. and myself and other old friends relived part of our childhood this evening as we attended our friend norm's anti-matter book anthology release and benefit to raise money for callum robbins (j. robbins of jawbox's son) show. it was spread over 2 nights in brooklyn. we didn't stick around to see the snapcase reunion as i was never a huge fan anyways, but 108 tore it down as i expected and haven't lost it a bit. as did the surprise guest of the evening, my all time fave nyc hardcore band, supertouch. reunited for one night only at norm's bequest and they were tight as hell. it was so worth being there for that alone. there were moments of nostalgia and moments where it felt as good and powerful as when i was 15 years old and seeing them for the first time. it didn't matter, i had a smile on my face the whole damn time. formative years, indeed. so happy to be back in my own home if only for a week or so. going to roll around on the damn carpet just to make sure i'm here for real and it's not a figment of my imagination. i have a lot on my schedule for this week, as usual, so it'll be busy as hell. my plan is this: i'm just going to keep my head down and run towards the end of december with what i have left. i'm gonna make it. for sure. more to come as it all keeps shaking out. muchos besos.

music: the cinematic orchestra --- "to build a home"

.: words: *** 11/26/2007 02:01:00 AM

nightswimming. i'm swimming, not drowning. los angeles was freezing at night and full of anxiety during the day - i hadn't felt that kind of pressure and emotional downfall in a longass time. i pulled it together and rocked the shit as best i could. i feel pleased with the results thus far. i have covered the los angeles area twice in the last twelve days. i could do that plane flight everyday now if i had to. i'm so used to it i can almost tell you what state we are over when there's a specific kinda turbulence. i'm not complaining, it is what it is. and i have to go back a week after thanksgiving. i think i need to buy a home there just to make it worthwhile as i'm sick of hotels. i've had a good week of escapism, totally immersed in work - it's been incredbily hectic but absolutely good. i'm feeling better about some things. started the process of facing myself for real today and it left me feeling slightly more focused and at minimum, feeling good about a step in a positive direction. exercise is next and yoga follows. and more california. fucking california. lately, i just haven't felt the need to write as much as i did over this summer. getting quiet? perhaps. or an onset of apathy due to winterism. or, i'm spilling too much in my private journals which will be published after my spectacular death in a bizarre safari accident. one can dream. this week is thanksgiving and despite life feeling totally different right now, i have a fuckload to be thankful for. i'm mostly thankful for my life and being born into this human body. i'm lucky. without it i can't reach people, affect change, or move towards becoming a better, more realized human being. i am all about evolution more than ever, and it feels like the next chapter of my life is beginning ... right now. i fully intend to document it closely as i move through this - it could get interesting. oh, i'm also thankful for you... happy to be home.

music: the jesus and mary chain "just like honey"

.: words: *** 11/20/2007 03:31:00 AM

i fucking love my brother. that is all.

hello new york, i love you too, even if only for 4 days. xoxoxanax.

music: trevor loveys "shake it"

.: words: *** 11/10/2007 01:34:00 AM

yeah... you may enter.

yet another relentless week in the city of illusion. well, the other one, to be fair. it's been an interesting one to say the least. having moments of total clarity, total confusion, and complete power. if you can imagine those three things existing in some kind of perfect equilibrium ... that's me this week. i have been up at 7am daily due to jetlag and anxious motivation. i feel like i'm manifesting things pretty well so i'm working my angles (vs. true angularism) and nodding to angels. feeling blessed. good headspace, indeed, for the most part. it's always a mess but it's been a little easier to walk through somehow. i just do. ahem. so i woke each morning to the thickest smog i've seen over the LA landscape, clearly a result of winds blowing smoke into this area coupled with the normal copious amounts of pollution. by noon it's burned off and i'm on my 2nd cup of tea and 4th meeting of the day. par for the course for sure. i did manage to squeeze in a proper hang this morning with my friend from the hardcore days and i've decided to make the india journey for sure. there's nothing standing in my way. all the excuses of my schedule and yadayada have been eliminated as best i can plan for a few m

.: words: *** 11/08/2007 02:46:00 AM

autumn makes everything really interesting. so far, so good.

my bag that was packed two weeks ago is finally heading west.

i'm out of step... indeed.

but managing to keep up. somehow.

hope it's as beautifully chilly (as it is in brooklyn), wherever you are.

.: words: *** 11/03/2007 04:24:00 PM

well, unless they are of the ghoulish nature. i'm in the fiend club. so. it's fully halloween. time to egg children and put razorblades in apples. use recycled toilet paper and eco friendly soap to mess shit up. just like every year. remember, if the sign says to take only one piece of candy, please, only take one fucking piece. it really is - that serious. so, my life has been coming into serious focus lately. especially this week. i feel a little topsy turvey to be honest. it's a good shake up as perspective is always needed and sometimes it just takes a minute to see the long play. or even the short one. regardless, i am taking action steps to address some things that are surfacing and i am looking forward to evolution. as always. this is my 301st posting to this site - shit, i may have just written a book. oh my. stay off orchard street on halloween, that's all i know! xo

music: misfits (what the fuck else?) "teenagers from mars"

.: words: *** 10/31/2007 01:34:00 AM

hanging out, hanging in, drive around the block again. whoaaa, need to sit down.

seriously, last week was so hectic that it's taken me days to get back into the flow of normal behavior (whatever that is). i'm at least back on a slightly normal sleep schedule. i ditched out on going to LA this week as it was just too much to deal with. or rather, i re-scheduled it. no big deal, i needed to take care of things being neglected in brooklyn. mostly myself. i also wasn't into the idea of flying into an area that is burning or being on a plane landing with strong santa ana winds blowing us around like a kite. fuck that. my baggage is packed and looks like i'm ready to jet at a moments notice. i usually always have a bag half-packed or half-unpacked at any given time. i'm not gonna bother unpacking it as i may do something random within the next week anyways. oh, on a really awesome note, i did just book my trip to london and prague for christmas, which i have always wanted to do (the prague bit, though i love london as well), so i'm happy about that. not going to scotland in a week as i decided to try and stay put for a couple weeks and really feel the autumn. though i am trying to do as much personal travel as possible - work always invades no matter what the occasion. i hope it snows while i am in prague -- walking the streets of a beautiful eastern european city in smart coats and boots. i have a feeling it will remind me of salzburg, austria. ooooh, that would be lovely. i can't wait. i'm resti

.: words: *** 10/25/2007 09:44:00 PM

okay turn this fucking car around. right now.

ah, too late.

it's cmj week and i'm in full effect, all over this shit. somehow i've managed to be home by 3am every night and completely sober. there must be a god as all i wanted was a mellow week of music and friends. i got both. a hell of a lotta good shows, tons of overhyped bullshit (no, i don't like "black kids"), and people from all over descending on the city like even more rats we don't need or want. but seriously, it's nice to have all the random music peeps around (bands, managers, a&r idiots, agents, lawyers, pr chicks, yadyada whatever it is you do, and most importantly, fans). it has made the lower east side feel like a mix of london and silverlake in los angeles. i am seeing all the same faces i see in those cities (the ones that came) mixing with the nyc regulars who use the lower east side almost like a church, as i do. religiously seeing music as often as possible (which for me is almost daily), regardless of music festival or not. yeah. so the good news for me tonight is that i'm going to bed before 3am - so, it's time to make that happen. tomorrow it may rain, but regardless i hope to end up in the planetarium to see a special performance by my old friend josh wink. saturday is hectic as all hell and then it's time to gear up for another journey and finishing my ink. thank god for hydrocodone. oh, side note: i liked the darjeeling limited as i knew i would. wes anderson is hands down my favorite director. also, it made me slightly more enthusiastic for my journey to india. it's looking like my trip is coinciding with my old hardcore hare krsna friend's trip so i may join his already pre-arranged group. it's going to make my life so much easier and they are going to all the same places i wanted to visit. swimming in sacred rivers, visiting krsna temples, singing bhajans, etc. plus, yoga everyday. life changing indeed. i need to hit the gym hard and start my private yoga practice again just to sharpen my blades. that trip is at the end of january til valentine's day, including my 34th birthday. should be insanely wonderful and i'm thirsting for this kind of life experience. or rather, i'm starving. it's so necessary i don't think any syntax will do it justice. it is, indeed, something to look forward to. i hope your week has been as fun and interesting as mine. xoxohh.

music: the black ghosts .live-ish. and "someway through this"

.: words: *** 10/19/2007 02:41:00 AM

ssssshhhhhh. svp.

j'aime montréal.

il pleut, mais beau.

xo. oui.

music: jane birkin and serge gainsbourg "je t'aime... moi non plus"

.: words: *** 10/12/2007 02:35:00 AM

oh, hello october. i have no idea what the hell happened to september. it evaporated. lost in a blur of airplanes and hotels and not much has changed. actually, nothing has changed though i'm in a different country at least. canada. i love it here, i think i was canadian in a previous life. three of my fave cities are in canada and i don't know what else to say about it that i haven't already. so at least i'm somewhere i like! somehow i have managed to stay away from writing for over a week, which has been somewhat liberating but also stressing me out. every night i have been meaning to write something but i am so not sure what to say. not that i need to say anything, sometimes it's just the process of writing that is the journey. telling a story, even if it may be boring (and a lot of times i am sure it is, but it might be interesting to me, etc. yadayada). so, i am sitting in a lovely hotel in toronto that i frequent when i stay here. it's been yet another insane week of overscheduling myself, strange shifting weather patterns, killer allergies, and more airmiles. all good, i can work with that. i'm definitely earning my vacation time, to say the least. a quick rewind from the past week: i got back from LA on friday the 28th of september and managed to gather quite a crew that came to the special "flashlight tour" of the green-wood cemetery, which is the massive, gothic graveyard up the street from my home. i'm obsessed with it, though it will take many, many years to research it properly. i'm in no hurry, it's fascinating. overall, the tour was amazing though the catacombs were locked up for some silly reason which was disappointing. after the scooby doo adventure we ended the night in a drunken mess of records being played in greenpoint at our friend's bar with sister in law and her bff at the controls. great tunes and cool crowd. the odd part about the graveyard tour is that i took a lot of random photos and i got a few that look like i've captured orbs of light or perhaps some paranormal activity. maybe it's just dust on the lens though the other hundred or so pictures i took were totally clear. also, i looked at other people's cameras and some similiar photos came up featuring random spectrums of orbs floating around. check it out here and you be the judge. spooky eh? saturday night my whole crew ended up at lcd soundsystem on randall's island. they rocked it and being outside with people i love on such a beautiful night in october is absolutely rare. it was enjoyable to no end. sooooo i ended up coming to toronto on monday which was canadian thanksgiving. nothing was open and the streets were so fucking hot. the rest of the schedule has been packed with meetings and shows and random hangs. i haven't even had a chance to do my ritual shopping venture in this city. it will have to wait until next time for sure. i have a show in an hour in the venue downstairs. i love that. so super convenient. then shooting off to catch the klaxons who happen to be in town while i am. bonus. tomorrow i am off to one of my other all time fave cities. montreal. i haven't been there in years and i miss it a lot. it's gonna rain, which sucks, but it's my own fault as i had all summer to get to montreal and failed to do so. at least i thought to bring my yellow rain slicker. i also just discovered from one of my close friends who lives here in the t-dot that he has an apartment in montreal and is giving me a set of keys as he's never there. six hours drive from nyc. will be a nice escape if i can actually do it on the regular. oh and even better, a close friend is giving me their family cottage for the winter. it's nearish to the atlantic ocean in new jersey. i can't wait to be a hermit. so basically i don't have to rent the upstate crib as i had thought about doing. problem solved. maybe it's time to write that screenplay finally. so as i was just sitting here trying to figure out a way to wrap this up the phone just rang. my bff in london just called and begged me to come to scotland in 2 weeks. ummm -- okay! assuming i can make it work with my schedule i'd love to go to scotland. no shit. might as well. once again i have succeeded in writing a whole lot of nothing. the miracle of the internet. time to go down and see this performance then hit the other stuff and perhaps be in bed at a decent hour for once. next week is CMJ so it's just more of the same, though i do intend to pace myself and be a lot more methodical about it. we're having a party on that saturday which should be a good time. then back to los angeles and i guess the UK now. perfecto. my ears hurt just thinking about it all, though i really do love my life! yeahhhh. xo!

music: lights "last thing on your mind"

.: words: *** 10/10/2007 06:52:00 PM

the moon is hooooooj. anyone else feeling really tidal or is it just me? i love the moonlight over the palmtrees. i love that i've seen palmtrees on two coasts in the span of a week. this was florida, above is a moonlit bev hills skyline. brilliant. okay- a quick midweek update from the left coast. as usual, i hit the ground running on monday. i flew into long beach where i was supposed to have my ink appointment. i discovered after checking my voicemail that i needed to be in hollywood within an hour as the location was changed. no worries. jumped in the vehicle and made it in time. juan and i spent a couple hours together and he's so fucking cool as always. it's always a good hang, listening to punk rock and talking about music and art and photography and whatever. i am so totally pleased with the initial outline, though we didn't have time for the color on this trip. i will finish that again in october when i'm back out here seeing interpol and doing more of the grind. the color will really make the entire piece come to life, so right now it's looking a little janky without it. but whatever, i can envision the finished piece and it's gonna be dope. i only have to wait a month to complete it so i'm not too impatient. it's a mix of an image of "our lady of guadalupe" and a classic seated buddha. i have a serious love of the virgin of guadalupe statue across the street from my loft on the lawn of the hispanic church. it's an homage for sure and i discovered the image on my trip to norcal in august as it was part of a macla show. it's based on a painting called "Budalupe" by a wonderful Latina artist named Ester Hernandez. this will certainly remind me of the peaceful power of that trip and this design is very ME, to be honest. i'm happy. so my wound on the other side of my arm finally healed from my rooftop injury i received during the mobile infocommercial thingy we participated in. it only took two weeks to heal and i have a nice scar. great. girls like thrash marks, apparently. oh i have decided officially (add it to the list, i'm getting very particular in my old age) that i am only staying at the four seasons from now on. whenever possible. i'm fully a fan for life. the beds are so fucking comfortable and this is the first time i've been in los angeles in ages that i've actually slept better than in new york. it's like a cloud. i never feel like i rest in LA so it's so refreshing. i may have to buy a bed from the hotel as they are consistently badass in every city i frequent. yeah. anyways, i grinded it out yesterday with a crazy day of meetings and today was exactly the same but more hardcore. i opted for a lightweight evening and reconnected with some old dear friends which was great and even caught another show (running into other friends including a recent NYC transplant, so that was cool) at a new venue downtown. LA seems like it's building some kinda downtown scene. i'm down with that. good stuff. on top of it all, i feel like hell again (plus everyone i know here seems sick right now, so it aint just me). i'm mainlining nighty night theraflu right now as i need to sleep and sleep very well. tomorrow is a busy day and an even busier evening. going back to nyc on friday getting back at midnight. then saturday will be insane. it needs to slow down or i'm gonna die i think. i mean, sooner than i should. for now, it's back to vitamins and liquids and rest. so i'm going to go get horizontal. oh, real quick, as i was getting on the elevator to get to my hotel room i realized the drunks on the elevator with me were a major country music act. it's not important who, but i wanted (almost against my better judgement) to say something. i calculated that movement and realized i didn't care that much and it probably wouldn't end up being good enough of a story to re-tell. though, i am mentioning it now - so perhaps it could've been. alas, we will never know. at least, not tonight. lates.

music: war tapes .live.

.: words: *** 9/27/2007 05:24:00 AM

oh, word? i hate to think of the equinox as the end of the summer but rather as the start of the autumn, though it's one in the same. today is that day. so as previously discussed, gather your autumn clothing into your best outfits and it's time to officially put that white denim away. it's on. i'm drinking tea infused with chai soymilk and doing laundry again. getting ready for yet another trip. it took me all week long and travel through 3 cities, but i murdered the gremlin living inside of my chest. about 2000mg of vitamin c and more sicky tea and water and juice than i could almost consume. i love it when my body just steps up and deals and i don't need to go the antibiotic route though i was teetering on that edge for sure. yay, me! though i am still coughing a bit, at least i don't feel like i'm dying. i guess a few days of clean air and resting fixed me up. oh... i'm getting tattooed tomorrow and it's been ages since my last one (hmmm maybe 2 years). i missed my birthday one this year in february as i just couldn't get it together and didn't love the idea. this one is going to be a doozy -- too much to explain but it will look beautiful as always. it is also my first all full color piece. it's rather large. i anxiously await the annoying yet stimulating feeling of a group of needles scraping ink into my wounded skin for hours on end. the result is always well worth it though i'm always a bit nervous going in (not about the pain but making sure the idea is solid and i'll love it forever, so far so good). okay, it's that time again and i must leave the confines of this house -- it is too gorgeous outside. though i have a ton of stuff to do today i must officially enjoy this axis we are shifting on today to the utmost. so after packing a bag in brooklyn, i think a rooftop swim is in order in manhattan to seal the deal. also, today

.: words: *** 9/23/2007 12:27:00 PM

oh montauk. how i love thee. you'd never break my heart, would you? so - it's the end of a pretty righteous summer, though it doesn't totally feel like it. as i was landing at JFK yesterday i observed the beaches from the air and was pleased to see la playa still peppered with people. speaking of la playa - i did exactly what i thought i would do when i got to florida. within ten minutes of checking into my hotel i was outside and swimming in the atlantic. i couldn't resist (not that i would). the wind was blowing like crazy and the view from my hotel balcony was incredible, the ocean appearing clear and deep blue. it was as warm as a bath. i swam alone for twenty minutes, close to the shore as the sun was setting and there were no lifeguards. though i'm an excellent swimmer the current was pretty heavy and i don't want my first trip to cuba to be by mistake. this was the only time i've been in the ocean this summer that i haven't seen dolphins. i was surprised and was only slightly disappointed because it was just too damn beautiful. i sat there alone on the beach with a smile on my face as the sun set behind me over the gulf coast, warming my naked back. after my dip i felt a lot better - plus the humidity is lovely when your allergies are hellish like mine are/were. i was super relaxed after that and contemplated staying another day/night just to recover. alas, i didn't as i had to be back for an insane work day on thursday. there was no avoiding it. at least the band i went to see in florida was good and a ton of fun. i ended up back at the house they all live in together in boca raton (which is not so close). it turned out to be a straight up house party out of a national lampoon film. i didn't have the normal college experience by any means so it was definitely interesting to observe. i was definitely the oldest person there by ten years at least. fuck it, whatever, i had fun and they were all cool. i stayed pretty sober and ended up back at my hotel by 4am and woke up at 9am to make my flight back to nyc. i did decide on that beach that i will do at least a weekend a month in miami this winter (i said that last winter but didn't do it, this time i will). soul maintenance. i did squeeze in doing laundry and a shower in my own home. exciting, yes. i got a lot of shit done on thursday, consuming the city and all my work. after the office i ended up in the lower east side seeing a show with friends and watching people. it felt good to be outside and not feeling spun-out (though the robotussin still added an interesting dimension). i noticed with delight that the city is still dressed slightly sexy but doing the transition into fall style. i can't wait for what's coming. the autumn historically brings dope cold weather fashions and well dressed people to pine over. i think people look better in clothes anyways. god, i love the fall, though it won't actually register on my mental clock for another couple weeks i'd say. hohum. so, i'm spending my last weekend here at the beach and it's as gorgeous as always, but a little bittersweet. it looks like we won't have this house again next summer, or ever again for that matter, as we aren't renewing the lease. bummer. i guess it's time for me to do something else with my summers, though montauk with it's wild ocean and heavy nature will be a part of me forever. i'm positive i won't be able to stay away for too long. i'm looking forward to an autumn combing the woods upstate and a lot of camping before the snowfalls. i need to stay put in this state for a minute, though it's not looking likely until the end of october right now. yeah. okay, it's been real, but i'm not wasting any more time sitting here writing. i'm going to go now by myself for a rather late night walk on the beach. i plan to squish my toes in the wet sand and hopefully leave an imprint forever. le sigh. muchos besos.

music: the secret handshake "summer of '98"

.: words: *** 9/21/2007 12:47:00 AM

man, i wish i could right now. but between these allergies of mine and racking up frequent flyer miles i'm not so sure if that rose bush will wait for me. i hope it's still blooming where i took that picture, in oakland, ca over a month ago. the friend i was staying with that day/night i took that photo called me today. she told me she's in love and it's all roses. he may be the one. nice. appropriate image, i think. i must confess however, that right now, i'm smacked out on a deadly yet delicious concoction of robotussin and benadryl. i am in atlanta, ga (i think i am at least, duhhh) and everything is in some weird state of semi-decay in anticipation of the autumn. it wasn't unlike brooklyn in that respect so it just might be time to suffer the changing of the seasons again, already. i'm at liz's again and it's wonderful as always, but we are both total snot machines. sexy. i'm not a big allergy med kinda guy as that shit usually doesn't work on me. however, i fell asleep on my back last night after taking a full dose of benadryl and slept the most consistently i have for the first time in awhile. antihistamines -- god bless 'em. anyways, it's been rather active. i had a pretty crazy week in new york which culminated in a trip to philadelphia with my brother, best friend, good friend, and newer friend. it was officially to see pink skull perform their first live show (they tore it up, and again on friday night at studio b in greenpoint, those guys are sick - plastic little was awesome too), although we managed to have a pretty stellar evening aside from just the show. not only did we all see a shit ton of philly friends but it was a total boys night (details remain sketchy, not because i don't remember) and doing it riiiight. it was a nice break from brooklyn to hit my old hometown and i must do it more often. i must say, philly is going off right now on so many levels. musically and artistically it's bumping. areas of the city that were former ghettos (i know this because i drove through them on my way to my high school in north philly everyday) are now brimming with cafes, bars, nightlife and loft-living. it's amazing. i am happy i lived in philly for a seminal part of my life because i know that city so well and it's cool to see it develop and morph. it's pretty much a totally different place than where i grew up though the street names remain the same. i will always have a soft spot for that city - it made me who i am in a lot of ways (it certainly made me tougher than nyc would have ever done). in any case, we tore the city a new asshole (with connecting rooms at the loews on market) and ended up back in our own beds in brooklyn by friday evening. not bad. i left saturday for hotlanta to see a band play who were fucking awesome and totally worth coming down for. as i walked through the delta terminal on saturday i realized i was flying from the international wing rather than domestic, as my flight was actually only stopping in atlanta and then going on to rio de janeiro, brasil. i walked the rest of the terminal listening to russian people and italians speaking and looking at all the exotic locations i wasn't going to (nor did i even have my passport on me in case of a spontaneous change of plans). it made me jealous that i wasn't going somewhere foreign, but atlanta will do just fine for now. the most interesting departure was a delta flight to accra which is the capital of ghana in africa. the flight was via kiev and had to suck ass, i would imagine. i gotta add it to my list -- someday. so anyways, today i saw some local friends down here and had some good time to just chill. i also managed to drop some serious money on sneakers and a new maharishi peacoat (its dope, can't wait for the cold to rock it) -- but i couldn't resist, i'm a sneaker and jacket whore. yes, i will fuck for the right shoes, people. im not mad about it at all, tho. so here i am hacking my lungs up while liz's cats dance around my legs and the benadryl and robo combo does a one-two punch to my head. i may have to be horizontal in a moment. actually, i'm certain of it. tomorrow is a grind -- back to back meetings followed by a baseball game (braves vs. marlins) to celebrate liz's bday and have a killer hang, that will be great and i'm glad i'm here for her bday. the ball game actually bookends my summer perfectly as i only attended one yankees game in the bronx and definitely wanted more time in a stadium surrounded by people drinking overpriced, shitty beer and yelling at ballplayers. gotta love it. from here, off to the greater metro-dade miami area to see another band and hopefully have a minute to dive into the atlantic as i've swam in that ocean every opportunity i had this summer. i will make the time to do that, for sure. more adventure abounds after this leg, but it has yet to be disclosed. i clearly remember in august promising myself not to schedule so much in september, and again saying the same thing in september in regards to my schedule for october. so what, i fucking betray myself constantly. oh well, i'd rather be moving around than sitting on my ass in an office or at home. as much as i love my cocoon in brooklyn, and as much as i complain about living on the road a lot, i get restless. besides, i gotta get out there and see some shit (and certainly take photos of it). i'm feeling less chatty now that the drugs have fully kicked in so i bid you adieu. xo.

music: z103, atlanta urban radio. real loud. oh yeah.

.: words: *** 9/16/2007 11:11:00 PM

i can't believe it's been 6 years since that morning i woke up in new york thinking the world was ending. and they are still finding remains down there in lower manhattan, just across the river from my home in brooklyn. i pass the site every morning as i drive my car to my office in midtown manhattan (except for the days that i take the subway, of course) and it's still got some of the heaviest gravity in the city. i say a silent prayer and let the music play and think how the imprint of horror will remain in that area of manhattan no matter what kinda shiny building they decide to put there. on an artsy note, every year since that rather shitty event these amazingly simple beams of light have been shot into the air. appearing as ghosts of where the former buildings once stood. i can see them from my back porch each evening (see photo above, duh) during this week -- until they shut them off at midnight. if they actually make any progress on this new structure i will observe it being built over the next couple years if i decide to stay in new york and carry on driving past the site daily. so much has happened since then and every year i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, it seems. the idea of living outside the city isn't such a bad one me thinks. new york has been a hard place to live and probably always will be, but that certainly is part of the charm in living in such a hardcore place. on a lighter note, joel and i spent the day creating an industrial commercial for a major scandanavian telecommunications company. i can't say much more but it was definitely interesting to say the least. and this time next year i'm gonna be a big fucking star, but not with one of those big fucking star heads. so back to leaving new york and living the simple life: in addition to all the other crazy things i am thinking about doing right now, i am deciding to possibly be a bit of a hermit this winter. the idea is to rent a small cottage at the beach in rockaway, queens and wake up each morning with tea to a wintery ocean. i think a lot of fucking great books will be read and possibly one written. and/or upstate. though the idea of starting my day at the beach (even when it's freezing like whoa) and still being able to take the subway into the city is pretty awesome. the view of new york from the ocean out there is a postcard image, and only 50 minutes on the A train (my current commute is 45). the slice of land between the atlantic ocean and the jamaica bay is pretty mellow, even with jfk planes overhead. it's the same part of land with coastal beauty that i always think to myself when i am landing at jfk "i think i want to drive my car there tomorrow". maybe i could be this guy. i desire so much change right now that even minute movements here and there might stave off the crazier inventions of my mind. but it's only a matter of time before those reveal themselves too. oh i wrote down in my moleskin notebook that i need a powerful telescope to spy on people in the city, and my own manicure kit. check. been writing those things down too. on top of it all i managed to scrape the fuck out of my arm today during the final scenes of this commercial shoot. i hadn't felt that kind of searing pain in a long time. most of my bruising and cuts and so forth take place when i can't quite remember them as well as i'd like to, or am slightly numb in some way. i was sober so this was absolutely one of those scrapes that remind you that you're alive. burning and slow and bloody. memorable. as weird as that sounds. off to atlanta this weekend, the dirtydirty. it's been awhile and i hope they're ready for me: clermont lounge, the varsity, recording studios, eating biscuits (the kind for breakfast, not for raving), badass kicks, white t-shirts, liz and angela, young jeezy, fresh krispy kreams, oh and the little bit of heaven known as the pink pony..... if you're looking you can find me here.

music: blondie "heart of glass"

.: words: *** 9/11/2007 12:00:00 AM

oh fuck. here we go again. not too bad. just have to shoot down to charlottesville, va for the evening to catch a band i'm really into. coming back early on thursday to maybe attend an art opening i'm interested in and then going to get in the water again on friday, assuming there are waves. even if there aren't im going for a swim. nyc government pools have officially closed, marking the end of summer in nyc. sadly, i never did submerge myself in this piss soaked abyss that my brother swears is a slice of heaven. oh well, maybe next year. i still have 3 weeks to go on my summer clock, suckers. anyways- it was a lovely labor day weekend involving a wedding, lots of champagne, partying and even a hava nagila was sang and the hora danced (the dance with the bride/groom lifted up in chairs) and everything - totally courtesy of the jewish side of my family. i loved every minute of it. i slept a lot somehow-- and managed to set aside some time for thought. i thought. a lot. i think i'm going to do this india journey in december for sure. my friend brian will be in cambodia doing volunteer work and i have a once in a lifetime opportunity to join up with a friend in a foreign country and experience a month of solid hardcore existence. he will meet me in india in early december if all goes according to plan. do part of the north first, then the south and perhaps stay through new year's or be in paris or london by then. lots of planning to do still. i don't expect this journey to be light by any means. i expect it to radically shift everything i currently know about my world, plus i know i will learn so much from that experience. i had this enormous feeling of "must do" even prior to doing something as simple as visiting the redwoods of norcal with david. it just makes sense at this juncture in my life and i'm free enough to do it. so i just have to do it, really. go for it. also, i discovered i have more than enough airmiles on air france to get a roundtrip ticket in business class from jfk to delhi and/or mumbai (will fly back from there) via paris so that makes the decision pretty easy. i won't be totally roughing it though the flight is going to suck no matter what class i'm sitting in. ahem. anyways, that's been on my mindgrapes a lot lately. been taking loads of photos and wanting to re-design this website as much as i am re-designing my life. i finally got off my ass and have really stepped up my home a lot. i have an amazing kitchen table courtesy of this chap at barntiques who made an incredible custom table for my kitchen out of re-cycled barnwood that is about 200 years old. pretty fucking awesome. i also am gearing up to re-do my bathroom and have managed to get all the random artwork once littering the floors of my home to finally be on the walls where they belong. yep. lighting is next. rather than aquire a bunch of real estate and random shit i don't need just yet i've decided to just finish this apartment the way in envisioned it before i focus my energy anywhere other than this india trip and/or work. and getting fit for that kinda journey, of course. it's only 90 days away, jesus. back to the gym immediately. okay, gotta get ready for tomorrow. on deck: atlanta, toronto, london, los angeles, san francisco (again), miami. september was supposed to be mellow. let's hope for a calmer october. xoxox

12 hours later or so: i bailed on flying to va today and will catch the band in atlanta instead and maximize my time in the south. i really needed some peace today.

music: pink skull "drugs will keep us together"

.: words: *** 9/04/2007 09:07:00 PM

tell me what you seen

.: words: *** 8/29/2007 01:24:00 AM

it's time to go shopping, i think.

it's saturday morning and i'm going "down the shore", an expression i've always hated for it's grammatical problems.

whatever-- going to pack in a lot of stuff today and tomorrow: surfing, swimming, perhaps a massage. i don't know.

what would keira do?

music: cab calloway "minnie the moocher"

.: words: *** 8/25/2007 10:01:00 AM

home. it's so nice to return to a place of comfort and serenity after a long trip. i've been away for 10 days and it's been nothing short of incredible. i touched two oceans in two days which is always a great experience. the pacific was freezing and wild as usual. the water in virginia beach was bathlike and we all managed to squeeze in some serious beach time this weekend, leaving me happy and slightly worn from the sun. i am actually home a day earlier than expected as i decided to bail on going to florida today as i was so exhausted and i just needed to get home already. i feel badly as i missed seeing a band i wanted to check out but i will just have to fly back down there sometime this month to see 'em do their thing. it took me a week to "come back to earth" from the chaos of my life lately and now i'm back in new york and have to dive right back into it all immediately. perhaps i will ease in slowly with one toe but i know the current will sweep me back in almost immediately. new york is like that. i am totally happy with the result of my journey and i know it could be so much more fruitful when i commit more time to those kinds of experiences. local or afar. it's rewarding beyond words and makes my life and headspace more tolerable. it's crowded in there (points to head) lately with a lot of amazing thoughts and also the usual doubt and so forth, but things are good overall. i am riding a wave of positivity and need to stretch this feeling out into the autumn and carry on. yep. looking forward to seeing close friends at the beach this weekend (again) and getting a lot of things in motion in the brooklyn theater as well. lots to do, lots to do. but i have a plan and it is well thought out and doable, i just need to begin. so it does. more to come soonish. for now, thanks for the love and support and patience and kindness and for everything else. lovelovelove.

music: ratatat "wildcat"

.: words: *** 8/21/2007 01:36:00 AM

wow. what an incredible experience this whole trip has been. it's 11pm and david has to leave for the local shitty airport in 5 hours to make a 6am flight to LA. i will have to drive the 101 south back to san fran-disco all by myself. i've already exhausted his box of 30+ CDs which has been our soundtrack for this journey. everything from the freakiest german ambient to delta blues to dub and rare roots reggae to nick drake. good mix, his choice. today was everything i wanted it to be and so much more. started off the day with a killer morning breakfast at some hippie organic joint here in the town. then we went to eureka and dug through sloppy antique second hand stores. i managed to find an old analog deep red telephone to operate as my batphone at home. also a gorgeous ornate tray made of out some kind of metal with gilded rose petals and a solid mirror as the bottom of the tray. really different and unusual. i also bought a book about whales for a dollar. not bad. we hit orick, ca about 30 minutes north and did 6 grueling miles and 3 different trails in the thick of the redwoods. no one but me, david, and the trees. it was so quiet, or not, depending on what we were discussing. or not. it was rough for a bit but once i hit my stride i was full in it. with all the stopping and laughing and photos and such it took us about 3 hours or so. not bad. my leg that has been in serious pain since coachella even feels okay considering the trauma it's been under. anyways, i am sad our time together is over and i don't want this trip to end. i need another 4 days at least to do everything else i wanted to do. never made it to a hot spring or a decent swimming hole. i will have to somehow fulfill both those summer fantasies before the end of september in perhaps upstate new york. oddly enough a lot of the terrain and little towns remind me the area south of the catskills i am so fond of as well as parts of montauk. i guess i got it all this week and so much more. we've decided to do a roadtrip once a year somewhere, but i wouldn't mind at all if it were just to do the norcal hang over and over again. i want to enjoy the last bit of time we get together as i will be solo all day tomorrow til i get back to san fran. have to dump stuff off, pick up things, have dinner, hang with a friend, stay in oakland, and then fly to see my parents. it's been one hell of a week so far and the highlight of my summer. fuck yeah.

music: jay reatard blood visions

.: words: *** 8/15/2007 02:28:00 AM

peace from the lost coast.

today has been stunning to say the least. woke up at 745am after sleeping 4 hours and jammed the day full of incredible things, much too much to get into right now as my eyes are slamming shut and we finally are in arcata. spent 12 hours in and out of the car stopping and enjoying the tangents that this part of the state can provide (from a deserted beach hike to the biggest redwoods i've ever seen). this is hands down the most gorgeous part of the country i have ever seen and i'm happy to be here and doing this trip with one of my best friends. we're having an amazing time enjoying each other's company, listening to crazy music, and stomping around ancient forests. it's like "sideways" but with weed. haha, kidding, sorta. stay tuned for the full report, i've been taking very detailed notes.

music: the jimi hendrix experience "are you experienced?"

.: words: *** 8/14/2007 02:53:00 AM